Though we’d all hope that our clients experience nothing but success and smooth sailing on their way to achieving their goals, reality suggests that this would be wishful thinking. In fact, the true test of a coach may be how well we can help our clients respond to challenges and setbacks.
Because this is a task that every coach is faced with, we’ve asked several expert coaches one question:
“How do you help clients develop resilience and cope with setbacks or failures?”
“I ask them to join me in becoming curious about their discouragement. I often use the IFS (Internal Family Systems) model to identify the parts that are activated by the setbacks or failures; for example, a part that sees what happened as a setback or failure, a part that makes what happened mean something that is disempowering, etc.
Once the activated parts are identified, I offer to help the client connect with those parts of themselves that need their attention. As a Certified IFS Practitioner, I am trained to help my clients unblend from their young parts and update them. This helps my clients access innate resources that are available as their authentic Self.”
—Bill Tierney, Results Coach, Certified IFS Practitioner
“I help clients develop resilience and coping skills with setbacks or seeming failures by reminding them that everything is serving their greatest becoming. We work together to find the silver lining and, most importantly, the lessons in the situation so that clients always grow and become wiser from every situation, which in turn supports them in everything they are creating.”
—Dr. Nikki Starr
“Developing resilience — helping our clients to keep moving through setbacks and failures — is an essential part of our work as coaches. We must build into our clients’ inner dialogue the ability to trust themselves long after they have us to lean on. The two best tools for this are narrative and writing. A strong, personal narrative is essential for those times when no-one else understands you or believes in you. Writing — at least once a day — by hand, on paper, whenever possible, helps you see what’s happening from a distance. The page listens, and often will show you the way forward.”
—Mark Newton, Men’s Life Coach
“I ask my clients to share situations where they felt they had failed or limited themselves. Through these conversations, my clients work out which beliefs are theirs and which are not. This way of working allows them to understand:
1. What it is they really believe about the situation and to let go of beliefs that have come from other important people in their life
2. How this mindset is holding them back
3. How they reacted and dealt with these situations
From there, we work on what they can do differently in the future to result in a much more positive outcome for them.”
—Annie McKinnon, The Coaching Cart
“I help clients develop resilience and cope with setbacks by helping them get clear and confident in their sense of self. When we know who we are, including our strengths, values, and beliefs, we are much better equipped to deal with the bumps and bruises of life. Our sense of resilience, then, is something that comes from within, from something that is a deep and vital part of who we are. We don’t have to channel some extra juice or outside power in order to make it through. Instead, there is a strength in who we are and who we are becoming, which allows us to continue on when times get tough.”
—Bryan Hendley, Ed.D
“Resilience is processing, full stop. The brain is adapted to solving long-term problems, but processing is resource-heavy so we avoid emotions or building the new neurological circuits necessary for adapting. Every useful approach will begin by processing what happened and how we view it. Then we can choose what to do without also trying to resist the internal or external things we refuse to explore.”
—Dave S. Wallace, MS, MA, AMFT
“There are two concepts I teach to a client who is having this sort of challenge in how they perceive their reality. First is the concept that ‘every situation is neutral, they assign the meanings.’ This begins to help them understand that there is flexibility in how they choose to respond to a given situation or perception of their reality.
The second is to introduce them to the concept that ‘everything is working for their benefit.’ Both of these concepts sound simple enough. The real work and exploration come when applying this to their reality in a consistent and meaningful way.”
—Samantha Love Kaufman, Spiritual Life Coach
“We take a moment to just pause, pray, and breathe… exhale… inhale. Realize that you are human, and humans are not perfect. Congratulate yourself for the awareness of where you are in this moment, a pivotal moment within a setback. Right now is only right now, which means that if you keep walking, the other side gets closer.
We walk through steps that we can take — with what we have right now — with the understanding that the steps might change, but the goals, the destination, stays the same. We will embrace walking in grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love to yourself as we speak and move with positivity, purpose, and intention. We work on the one thing we can do, and then build on that even as the setbacks and failures appear. We begin to understand the strength and resilience that is within us — it emerges bit by bit!”
—Shemitria Smith, The Visionary Associates
“At Mindful Bliss Tribe, we take a holistic approach to support our clients in building resilience and effectively coping with setbacks or failures. Among our techniques, we empower clients through education by providing them with knowledge and tools through resources, workshops, and coaching to navigate challenges and build resilience. Through our holistic approach, clients can develop resilience, thrive in the face of challenges, and cultivate a positive and empowered outlook on life.”
—Sofia Elena, Mindful Bliss Tribe Founder and CEO, Soul Coach and Energy Healer
“Helping clients develop resilience and cope with setbacks or failures is a crucial aspect of life coaching. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from challenges, adapt to change, and maintain a positive outlook in the face of adversity. I encourage self-compassion and self-kindness. Clients should understand that setbacks are a normal part of life, and it’s okay to be kind to themselves during challenging times.”
—Larry V. Starke Jr., The Starke Naked Truth
“In my coaching practice, my primary approach is based in raw and authentic inquiry — questions that invite clients to look into their life through an unfamiliar new lens, and make specific distinctions while there. A critical first step is to bring the client to a place of awareness and acknowledgement that nothing is ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ about where they are. But there are things in their life that aren’t working, and they would like to finally have it work. This helps set the stage for creating a new context in the area they are working on.”
—Bradford Speaks, BeLegendary.Coach Founder & CEO
“When it comes to developing resilience and coping with setbacks or failures, it starts with awareness — an awareness of what external forces are creating pressure in your life and an awareness of your reactions and coping mechanisms towards those events. I work with my clients from the inside out. If we can change the way we think and believe about our circumstances, we can change the perceptions we have about them, which empowers us to change our reactions, choices and behaviour towards setbacks — in effect, becoming more resilient and empowered to grow through life’s ups and downs.”
—Maryke Groenewald, Transformation and Neuro-Coach, Life Purpose Coaching
“I help my clients cope with setbacks by reminding them that the setback is not the entire story; they are often found along the path toward progress and success. I encourage them not to give setbacks, failures, or disappointments weight. Instead I have them focus on the strategy to come away from setbacks, and the victory that lies on the other side of the failure. They get to choose how to approach their business — with intention, honesty, and integrity, or by running away when things get tough. Everything contains toughness in some way, so instead of trying to avoid it, we work on figuring out how we’re going to move through it.”
—Antoinette Chanel, MA, MBA, Founder and CEO of Feathered Press Indie Publisher
“I help my clients develop resilience and overcome adversity by guiding them through a 3-step self-discovery process and gently reminding them that their past has prepared them for their purpose. My 3-step process includes visualization techniques, creating strategies that are aligned with your vision, and taking practical steps to actualize those goals and dreams.
I believe there are times when you’ll have to look back in order to see where you’re going. A glance back might show you the signs you may have missed, the roadblocks you’ve overcome, or the wrong turns you may have made. Everything that you do and everyone that you meet is divinely connected. You are aligned amidst the setbacks and distractions. When my clients realize this and choose to walk on the path uniquely designed just for them, they finally begin to experience the fulfillment, flow, harmony, and happiness they deserve.”
—Angela M. Riggs, The VIVID Lifestyle, Certified Life Coach | Consultant | Author
We’d love to add your insights here too! Please reach out to us with your answer to the question above.